Green Arrow's journal of crime fighting and goatee maintenance.

I've been thwarting evil doers for quite sometime now. I'm really into alt.country music, The Office, and vintage pornography.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

funerals and foghat

as a few of you have noted, i have indeed been away for awhile. and sam, my dear, sweet sam, it has unfortunately been due to that identity crisis thing. i had to go to sue's funeral, a formal occassion which required no less than 3 hours of goatee-grooming, my best, least-soiled pair of tights and a new feather for my cap, which those identity crisis guys drew way too small. then i had to go off chasing dr. light, which as it turns out didn't do it anyway. this caused some complications, primarily that i got the shit kicked outta me by slade. (CAVEAT: i don't care what ralph dibney says, i do not have a bald spot. he's just jealous. plus, he's been drinking a lot lately.)

but i'm back with few stories to tell.

first, carter has totally started shaving his chest. he came in one day and acted like nothing was different, though it was frightfully noticeable that it no longer looked as though he had glued a roadkill to his chest. he insisted that he had not, in fact, waxed his pecs even after the second-day stubble was showing. clark suggested that maybe it was time for hawkman to actually invest in a shirt. second, diana finally had it out with atom for always picking her shoulder to sit on during meetings. i mean, it was pretty obvious that was looking right at those puppies the whole time. my god, who know's where the hell else he's been.

also, the latest chapter in the roommate from hell saga: bats has taken up the guitar. i promptly pointed out that everyone plays guitar and he should take up the viola or the oboe if he wants to be unique, but no, i have to endure "enter sandman" and the ubiquitous "stairway" at all hours. fortunately, dr. fate called earlier and we're going to have a beer later. i could use one after listening to bruce practice the solo in foghat's "fool for the city" for the last 3 hours.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

god i'm tired

wow. rough week. after that guy encased star city in that bubble filled with sword-wielding demons, the black canary had to come and break up with me, just because i MAY have made a 16-year-old girl kill a guy who totally had it coming. this happens all the time. she'll come crawling back soon enough. just give her time to realize that she left her dokken greatest hits cd at my apartment.

there's been an ugly rumor going around the watchtower lately, and it's time i put it to bed. during the period that i wore the hood-thing rather than my pointy-feathered-hat-thing, it WAS NOT TO COVER CUP HAIR PLUGS. i have not now, nor have i ever, had hair plugs. my golden locks are all me, and always have been. i don't care what hawkman says. besides, why do you think he wears that helmet? huh? that's what i thought.

now, i'm going to watch my office dvds.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

scary.

these people are frighteningly in need of medication. according to the hulk, this shit as existed since the 70's.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

i need at least 3 showers

so me and connor had a slight run in with solomon grundy tonight, which we subsequently crammed in a holding cell in the watchtower. etc, etc, anyway whilst interrogating this botanical behemoth, he totally fired one off. yessireebob. it had the overwhelming bouquet of a dead skunk that had just crawled out of the ass of another dead skunk and i swear to god you could almost see it. so grundy chuckles and says, "i'll bring it up again and we can vote on it." i informed him that that was very juvenile, to which he responded by mocking my tights.

also, as if relations weren't tense enough between me and bats, he announced today that he was growing a goatee. A GOATEE! i informed him that my goat was, in fact, the alpha and omega of facial accoutrements, and any feeble attempt at chin-topiary that he might offer would be laughed right out of the tower. he replied by "whatever"-ing me and then announced that he used the last of my mary kate and ashley body wash. fucker.